Stop Making Sense

March 26, 2010 at 6:58 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

My brother asked me if I gave up writing the blog for Lent…he’s a funny guy, my brother. Well, I’m back at it in time for the onset of Holy Week.

I haven’t given it up, anyway. I’ve just been wallowing a bit in my own personal Slough of Despond. (Or maybe I don’t mean “Slough of Despond.” I haven’t actually ever read John Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress, at least I don’t think I have…college remains a blur…I’ve just seen it referenced in other stuff, and by “other stuff” I mean Little Women.”) Anyway, suffice it to say I’ve been wallowing a bit.

I began the blog a year ago as a way to help me find and deepen my faith. It has been a pretty good experiment for me. I wish I had a little more discipline about it, but then I wish I had a little more discipline about everything. (Sweetheart, if you’re reading this at work, don’t expect to find any of the cookies at home…)

I think most of us that turn to organized religion do so to make a little sense of the world around us, to give us some structure in the midst of chaos, some succor in the midst of sorrow. So what happens when it is the institution of religion itself that is the source of chaos and sorrow? If you’ve seen a newspaper in the past week, you probably know what I’m talking about.

In other news, I received an email today from my parish priest, a compassionate and I think good man, one of two who serve at our parish, letting us know that an eighth grader at one of the schools took his own life. Eighth grade! My heart is broken for him and for his family.

That’s probably the other reason we turn to God, whatever name we use for Him…to say, “this completely inexplicable and incredibly shitty thing has happened, but I’m going to do my best to trust that there is a You, and that You have a plan…”

But sometimes it’s pretty hard.

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1 Comment

  1. Jenna said,

    I know how you feel…my first love took his life this month too. Makes absolutely no damn sense.
    And for someone who has no clue what faith is…well…just makes it all the more confusing. Sometimes the more I learn the less I think I can accept faith! Does that make sense? Even if I travel the entire world and learn every single religion and feel spirituality flow through me a million times….well, even then I bet I will have doubts. And that scares the bejeezus out of me! More of the mortality aspect of it actually…you know…how you explained Henry’s stage of, “I don’t want to die.” Why do I still agonize over this myself?!?! And now to have a child and think of such things! Oh my! Life sure is crazy. Would it really comfort us to know…??? I bet it wouldn’t. I just try to re-direct and remind myself to enjoy now now now. Because right now, this very moment, is all I know for certain! 😉

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