Holy Thursday

April 10, 2009 at 2:45 am (Uncategorized)

Let me just say at the outset that my faith is not strong. I have not been given that gift. I myself am more of the “fake it ’til you make it” variety. (Last year I read that compilation of Mother Teresa’s letters

    Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light – The Private Writings of the Saint of Calcutta

where she confessed to an almost unrelenting doubt which persecuted her for most of her life…I did not receive the intended comfort from reading about her anguish. Rather, I wondered what on earth hope there is for any of us, when a living saint is not free from such torment. But I digress…) Anyway, having such a poor faith, I am all the more grateful for those fleeting moments of grace when they do occur.
This evening I had one in the bathroom.
I’m sorry if that seems crude or inappropriate but it’s true. The choir had assembled for a quick rehearsal and warm-up before our Holy Thursday mass. It did not go well. We were stressed and anxious, and our singing reflected it. After our director left the room, I asked if we could say a prayer, to start out our Triduum observance in a slightly better frame of mind. So we did. And then nature called, and I made a pit stop…where I was overcome, simply overcome with love and gratitude and a sense of God’s presence here in the world. All in the second stall of the women’s bathroom.
So what I did I do with my grace? I carried it with me through mass, where I prayed some more: in thanksgiving for the love of my family, especially my mother, whose birthday is today; in gratitude for the friendship and fellowship of the choir; and for all of us laboring behind and in front of the scenes at the church, that through this busy and chaotic time, we too might feel the awe and mystery of the season…all while staying in tune.


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